Do I Look Like a Bathroom to You?

Squirrel with a Starbucks CupDISCLAIMER: Today’s post has absolutely nothing to do with personal finance and only a little to do with the environment. Today’s post is a rant.

This is actually a little embarrassing…yesterday, a squirrel peed on me from up above in a tree. For those of you counting, this is the second time this month that an animal has peed or pooped on me. Earlier this month, a bird took a crap on my shoulder. Yesterday was worse. The pee actually bounced off my shoulder and up onto my face before landing down the front of my jacket. At first I thought it was just water and I couldn’t figure out where it had come from. Then I looked up and saw him staring down at me, with that wily little smirk of his and I put two and two together.

You can stop laughing now! OK, I’ll admit, I’m laughing about it too. But this is getting kind of annoying. I mean seriously, am I doing something to attract the attention of these animals. Do I give off some kind of scent that says “Hey, look at me, I’m your own personal litter box!”. I know one thing, I certainly carry a scent after they’re done!

When the bird crap hit my shoulder, I think that was just bad luck. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. That was not the case yesterday. I am 100% convinced that the squirrel DELIBERATELY peed on me. You see, moments earlier I had been across the street standing next to another tree where a different squirrel perched making this really annoying  calling noise – kind of like this: YouTube – Squirrel Making Noise. I watched the squirrel for a minute or two, then crossed the street and was on my way. On the other side of the street, as I walked under the tree almost directly opposite the original squirrel, I was attacked! At the exact moment I walked under the tree, the squirrel let go of his stream of pee. That is not a coincidence!

I’m thinking that the the first squirrel was alerting the other squirrels to my presence by issuing some kind of distress call. The second squirrel then peed on me possibly to mark his territory or possibly to ward me off. Whatever the reason, I am seriously annoyed! I have never liked squirrels. They always strike me as being up to no good. When I was in University, I woke up one morning to find two squirrels on my kitcher counter eating my leftover pizza that I had been two lazy to put away. How did they get in the kitchen you ask? They chewed a squirrel-sized hole in the screen covering the window. I call that desperate and/or determined!

A message to the urban animals of Toronto – I am not your bathroom! I know that we have invaded your land and taken away all your green space, but I am trying to help you, not make it worse. Look at this blog. I am here advocating for you and all of your furry friends! You should be thanking me! Why don’t you go and pee on that guy driving the Hummer or that girl overseeing the condominium development down the street?

End Rant. On Wednesday, I will be back with a real post – a continuation in my series about planning a green frugal wedding. In the meantime, please take a moment to wish me luck in not getting peed or pooped on today for the third time this month.

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11 thoughts on “Do I Look Like a Bathroom to You?

  1. These animals definitely have something against you, the challenge is to find out what!

    While I am not surprised with bird poop as it happens with anyone, the squirrel pee is something I never heard off lol 🙂

    • I’d never heard of a squirrel peeing on someone either, though when I got home I did some googling and I’m not the only one who has experienced this. At least I’m not alone in my plight 😀

    • I usually find squirrels entertaining too, which is why I had stopped to watch the first one making his noises in the tree. Apparently he didn’t like me being on his turf!

    • That would not have been good! At least I was wearing fairly dark clothes and happened to be not that far from home, so the public embarrassment was mostly just my fiancee laughing at me 😀

  2. A little good luck would be much welcomed! I have a pre-existing bias against many urban animals. In the same apartment where the squirrels got to the pizza, I had raccoons find a way into my bedroom in the middle of the night once. That was disturbing!

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  4. What a scream… I’m rolling on the floor. I think squirrels are hilarious (yes, even when they strip my peach tree clean). and they are devious. I watched one wily old guy sit on my window sill and puzzle out how to get at the bird seeder hanging under our roof overhang. It took him 3 days, but he found a way!!!

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